Because it’s my 18th one, and this time it’s different
From childhood, I used to be really happy on my birthday — excited from the morning to blow the candles, cut the cake, and receive gifts from invitees. My birthday was not just a birthday; it was a journey.
At first, when I came into my senses, I used to get afraid and extremely nervous just after blowing the candles. As soon as the rush of the “Happy Birthday” song started, everyone would look at me and pay attention to me, and I was too nervous to face them.
Sometimes, I would even run away from the birthday table and hide in my room.
My parents used to yell at me, asking me to come back and cut the cake because the guests were waiting — maybe to eat it quickly, or maybe to hand over their gifts to me.
There was a point in my life when I was fully excited and happy about my birthday, but as the evening approached, I would become afraid of the very things I mentioned earlier.
Gradually, as several birthdays passed, I became mature enough to understand that this behavior was very immature and that I should not do this, especially in front of at least 100 people standing there.
Now, cut to my 13th birthday. I slowly started to feel ashamed. Cutting a cake and inviting people who were almost double my age felt really childish. I finally decided to celebrate my birthday alone, just with my friends.
Then there was a time when I couldn’t celebrate my birthday at all — neither with double-aged people nor with my friends — because of the world-famous pandemic called COVID.
By the time the pandemic was over, I had reached junior college, or what you may call high school (11th–12th grade), where I made new friends and celebrated my birthday with this new peer group.
And yes, I forgot my old friends — lol.
But this time, when it’s my 18th birthday, I am not happy. Even though I’m becoming an adult and will have many perks (not going to mention everything here — if you know, you know).
Coming back to the point, you might be thinking — why am I not happy?
The reason is simple.
Compared to childhood, when I used to celebrate my birthday with pure excitement and joy coming from the child inside me, as I grew older, I started looking at the world more closely and understanding things more deeply.
Something I never did as a child.
Back then, there was no tension, no overthinking — just living in the present moment without fear of the future.
But this time, I have my board exams. On top of that, I also have to give competitive entrance exams to get into a good college. Then comes the pressure of deciding where I will go, what I will do, and how I will shape my career.
As of now, I’ve developed an interest in writing. As you’re reading this piece, I’ve already written more — some in the form of books sold on Amazon, and some on my own websites.
But Medium felt different. It has a huge number of readers who are genuinely interested in discovering new stories and writers, and I hope this piece also gets discovered by new people.
By the time I hit my birthday — 13th April — I will have finished my boards, but the pressure of entrance exams will still remain, as I’ll have to give them after boards.
I believe I’ll feel at least a little relaxed once I reach a good college and no longer have the pressure of school examinations, and instead get to study a more focused domain — unlike school, where we studied everything, even the subjects we didn’t want to.
So this is the reason why I am not happy about my birthday this time.
I hope this sadness fades once I reach college, and I feel happy again on my next birthday in 2027, when I turn 19.
Signing off — if you remember my birthday or feel connected to this piece, you can wish me in the comment section below or at my email: tanmaysinhapatna@gmail.com.
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I write about business, tech, investing, and sometimes the intense parts of life.
— Tanmay Sinha
