The psychological game of obsession with someone you’re infatuated with
Have you ever loved a person — either one-sided or while being in a relationship — where that person stays on your mind 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
And you call it, “Ah, I’m in love.”
Then that person leaves your life.
You feel frustrated, devastated, and lost.
Yet even after everything ends, you’re still unable to get them out of your mind.
That’s where limerence comes in.
What Is Limerence?
Limerence is an involuntary state of intense infatuation with someone.
It is characterised by intrusive thoughts, idealisation of the person, and a powerful desire for their reciprocation — rather than real love itself.
This is the story of one of my friends who experienced it firsthand.
The Beginning: A High School Infatuation
One of my friends met a girl during secondary school and became deeply infatuated with her.
At first, we thought it was just the beginning of a normal high school romance.
Knowing that, we were the ones who pushed him further into it — mostly for fun.
We told him things like:
“Go, talk to her.”
“Say it before it’s too late.”
“You guys would look good together.”
After hearing all this, he was completely filled with butterflies.
When Distance Made It Worse
Time passed. We moved to higher classes, and they were separated — not physically, but department-wise.
They chose different streams and ended up in different classrooms.
His feelings only grew stronger.
He liked her more and more, but still couldn’t gather the courage to confess.
The final school days were approaching.
Once again, we pushed him:
“Bro, you only have a few days left. Go and confess.”
He still did nothing.
Social Media: Fuel to the Obsession
Eventually, he decided to follow her on social media.
She followed him back — not romantically, just a follow-back.
He started stalking her profile for a while.
He learned about her likes, dislikes, and everything he could possibly gather from her online presence.
Then he took another step forward.
He finally sent a simple “Hi.”
They began chatting regularly.
The Slow Fade
But there was a twist.
His messages were frequent.
Her replies were rare.
This continued for some time.
Slowly, the conversations faded.
She stopped replying — or replied very occasionally.
He started losing hope.
The Confession
One day, a few months later, as school was about to end, he finally confessed his feelings.
And guess what happened?
She told him she already knew he liked her.
But she couldn’t reciprocate — because she was already committed to someone else.
He was completely shocked and heartbroken.
At the same time, he felt a sense of relief. At least he had said it. He wouldn’t regret staying silent after school ended.
And just like that, another “love story” ended.
The Aftermath
You might be wondering what happened to him next.
The same thing that happens to many people after losing their favourite person.
He went from being cheerful to constantly frustrated and irritated.
He started yelling at people, saying nonsense, and questioning his own life.
Days passed in this sadness.
Repeating the Pattern
Later, he went to college outside his city.
And there, it happened again.
He entered another relationship — the second girl of his life and his first official relationship.
But here’s the problem.
He still couldn’t forget the first one.
So do we still call it love?
Love vs Limerence
No.
Love doesn’t trap you in someone who no longer exists in your life.
Love doesn’t force you to stay mentally stuck when the chapter is already over.
That is limerence.
It’s when you become obsessively attached to someone without reason.
That sense of madness, fixation, and emotional dependency —
Only those who’ve experienced it truly understand.
And that’s the art of limerence.
